My husband had Alzheimers from l983-l99l. In l990 I was fortunate to be able to take a class with Dr. Oates in Pastoral Care at the Seminary. My husband spent the last 2 ½ years in the nursing home by advice from his doctor.

Dr. Oates asked me if I would be kind enough to bring Ed to class one day, as it would be a valuable experience for the students. I brought him to the class, and it was a beautiful day for all of us. The students were very caring and Ed loved it although by that time he could not talk.

Later on that year the attending doctor told me I had to "no code" Ed and I was not prepared to do this. In class the next day I took my test and as I passed Dr. Oates, I said, "This is one day I should have stayed home." Dr. Oates looked at me and said, "I think we need to talk about this." I explained in private consultation what the doctor had said, including that it was "just in case." Dr. Oates said, "Mrs. Kane, you all give each other gifts, don't you?" I said yes, "sometimes for no other reason than just a love gift in addition to holidays, etc." Dr. Oates said, "If and when this time comes I want you to think of this "no code" as the last and greatest gift you will ever give him." These words made all the difference in the world to me and I could live with that decision.

Ed was in the hospital several weeks and once again I spoke with Dr. Oates about the "no code". He then said, "I want you to promise me that when he passes away you will not feel guilty at the relief you will feel for him." I never had to make the decision but I have passed his words along to many others and, like myself, they found great courage and consolation in them. Dr. Oates was a wonderful, dedicated Christian man to his family, God, and all of us. I thank God for him.